Chapter 1 - "We Shall Morph Indeed" ~ The Hope of Transformation
I've been quoting this one quote all week:
"Now, with God's help, I shall become myself." - Soren Kierkegaard (what a name! ha)
A little glimpse of past history for everyone: (because honestly I don't think I have told many people)
When I was a freshman in college (I am now a senior) I struggled through my first relationship. It started on the wrong foot and ended on a bad note. Throughout the months of this relationship I lived with a broken heart, and a withered spirit. I had never dealt with anything of this calibre in my life. All of this to say that overall I began to question who I was, who I had been, and who I was becoming. I felt that I had lost 'me.' The summer after that year I spent a lot of time alone and not by choice, it just happened. I hated being alone and I struggled with it for a long time until I learned that it was ok to be alone. I found peace in the first part of that summer being with God. I slept a lot and took care of myself. I slept in, ate healthy, exercised, went to class, took naps and had my quiet time. This was the medicine and start of healing I had needed for a long time. I then spent the other half of my summer in little old nowhere Nevada, Missouri. Where I continued to accept healing and heard from God who I was, and little glimpses of who I was becoming. He pulled me from the depths of depression, guilt, self afflicting anger and shame, and prepared me for the steps ahead.
I thought I had lost myself yet the Lord knew what He was doing. He had never lost track of me, He was never unsure of where I was going or who I was becoming. A friend during my freshman year gave me a mug that said "Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over it transformed into a beautiful butterfly." I think back on this and I kind of chuckle to myself. I thought the world was over when the transformation had just started to take place. Silly me. Though in the midst of it all I couldn't see it. I now can look back and I thank God for every struggle and every painful growth. He has brought me out of fear, and anxiety which began to consume me when I returned to school for the fall of my sophomore year. I am so glad to be free of that.
"We are pregnant with possibilities of spiritual growth and moral beauty so great that they cannot be adequately described as anything less that the formation of Christ in our very lives."
"Spiritual growth is a molding process. The possibility of transformation is the essence of hope."
So I feel that this quote "Now, with God's help, I shall become myself" holds great significance in my life. I am excited to become myself. I have already had amazing opportunities to encourage other girls who are struggling with bits and pieces of things I struggled with in the past. I am so thankful for the compassion that God has given me. Oh it hurt. It hurt so badly to be in that place but the understanding and compassion I have that has come from it is such a reward.
Here's the funny part... I asked for it. (I realized almost a year and a half later... it dawned on me that the summer before I left for college I asked for it and basically said "bring it on.) I asked God to deepen, even more, my compassion and understanding... He knew! HE KNEW I could handle it... and when I say "handle" that doesn't mean it was handled it easily. It was hard to handle but I came through and He knew that I would. Way too funny God. So funny. Love it.
I need to come up with something fun to say when I'm done blogging...
That's about it for now,
Brielle
