I burnt myself out. Over a course of 7 years I have over-committed and filled every possible moment with things I wanted or needed to do. Now that I have hit this place where I feel that I have burnt out, I find myself feeling lazy. Almost there. Senior Year. Almost done... but still so much to do... and this is when it really counts! I need structure to my week. Structure in a way that I can take time to not have a plan. Does that even make sense? I feel that my life needs a re-structuring so that I am using my time wisely. I don't want to worry or feel anxious. Pastor Dan talked about seeing things from a Heavenly Perspective today in church. I feel like I used to have more of that perspective back in my 11th and 12th grade years. Here I am in my 17th year of school (counting Kindergarten). Time to view school, work, homework, relationships and life from a more Heavenly Perspective. Time to create a healthy habit. Time to sit the little girl down and make the woman stand up. (Thanks Jay Strack)
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Sunday, August 19, 2012
An Update From LightForce:
This is an update for LightForce that I made while I was in Costa Rica. Please Watch. Please Share.
Job 37
I sat down on my bed next to my window and opened it. As soon as I found myself comfortable and began to open my bible a roar of thunder sounded followed by a show of lightning. Interestingly enough... I opened my bible to Job 37. I don't think that was by mistake. I looked all over my room for my other books I am reading in conjunction with my quiet time but couldn't find either of them. So I opened my bible. BAM Job 37! Ok... so here is what it says:
Job 37
New International Version (NIV)
“At this my heart pounds
and leaps from its place.
2 Listen! Listen to the roar of his voice,
to the rumbling that comes from his mouth.
3 He unleashes his lightning beneath the whole heaven
and sends it to the ends of the earth.
4 After that comes the sound of his roar;
he thunders with his majestic voice.
When his voice resounds,
he holds nothing back.
5 God’s voice thunders in marvelous ways;
he does great things beyond our understanding.
6 He says to the snow, ‘Fall on the earth,’
and to the rain shower, ‘Be a mighty downpour.’
7 So that everyone he has made may know his work,
he stops all people from their labor.
8 The animals take cover;
they remain in their dens.
9 The tempest comes out from its chamber,
the cold from the driving winds,
10 The breath of God produces ice,
and the broad waters become frozen.
11 He loads the clouds with moisture;
he scatters his lightning through them.
12 At his direction they swirl around
over the face of the whole earth
to do whatever he commands them.
13 He brings the clouds to punish people,
or to water his earth and show his love.
and leaps from its place.
2 Listen! Listen to the roar of his voice,
to the rumbling that comes from his mouth.
3 He unleashes his lightning beneath the whole heaven
and sends it to the ends of the earth.
4 After that comes the sound of his roar;
he thunders with his majestic voice.
When his voice resounds,
he holds nothing back.
5 God’s voice thunders in marvelous ways;
he does great things beyond our understanding.
6 He says to the snow, ‘Fall on the earth,’
and to the rain shower, ‘Be a mighty downpour.’
7 So that everyone he has made may know his work,
he stops all people from their labor.
8 The animals take cover;
they remain in their dens.
9 The tempest comes out from its chamber,
the cold from the driving winds,
10 The breath of God produces ice,
and the broad waters become frozen.
11 He loads the clouds with moisture;
he scatters his lightning through them.
12 At his direction they swirl around
over the face of the whole earth
to do whatever he commands them.
13 He brings the clouds to punish people,
or to water his earth and show his love.
14 “Listen to this, Job;
stop and consider God’s wonders.
15 Do you know how God controls the clouds
and makes his lightning flash?
16 Do you know how the clouds hang poised,
those wonders of him who has perfect knowledge?
17 You who swelter in your clothes
when the land lies hushed under the south wind,
18 can you join him in spreading out the skies,
hard as a mirror of cast bronze?
stop and consider God’s wonders.
15 Do you know how God controls the clouds
and makes his lightning flash?
16 Do you know how the clouds hang poised,
those wonders of him who has perfect knowledge?
17 You who swelter in your clothes
when the land lies hushed under the south wind,
18 can you join him in spreading out the skies,
hard as a mirror of cast bronze?
19 “Tell us what we should say to him;
we cannot draw up our case because of our darkness.
20 Should he be told that I want to speak?
Would anyone ask to be swallowed up?
21 Now no one can look at the sun,
bright as it is in the skies
after the wind has swept them clean.
22 Out of the north he comes in golden splendor;
God comes in awesome majesty.
23 The Almighty is beyond our reach and exalted in power;
in his justice and great righteousness, he does not oppress.
24 Therefore, people revere him,
for does he not have regard for all the wise in heart?”
we cannot draw up our case because of our darkness.
20 Should he be told that I want to speak?
Would anyone ask to be swallowed up?
21 Now no one can look at the sun,
bright as it is in the skies
after the wind has swept them clean.
22 Out of the north he comes in golden splendor;
God comes in awesome majesty.
23 The Almighty is beyond our reach and exalted in power;
in his justice and great righteousness, he does not oppress.
24 Therefore, people revere him,
for does he not have regard for all the wise in heart?”
For those of you who don't know this already about me... I love stormy weather. I love the smell of rain as it is about to pour. I love hearing the sounds of thunder and feeling it pass through my entire body. I love seeing the lightning as it lights up the sky and passes so quickly. I love hearing the rustling of the leaves in the trees being moved by the wind. I love playing in the rain, dancing in the rain and going on walks in the rain. There is something about a storm that says "I love you." I wouldn't be able to count the times where my heart has felt heavy and burdened that a huge storm came and almost projected my heart and spirit in the skies. I once read about how God shows us he loves us in nature. Some people see God's love in a sunset or sunrise, or some see it in the blossoming of new flowers or in a fresh blanket of snow. I see love in all of these, but the one that speaks to my spirit the most is that of a thunderstorm. Some people would say "but thunderstorms can be scary" that's something I love. I may be fearful of a storm from time to time but that fear is a respectful fear and an exciting fear. If that makes any sense at all. I guess it really only matters if it makes sense to me... but it would be cool if you all understood what I am saying as well. :)
So as I read this passage, as I listened to the thunder coming from outside my window... there is no way that I cannot be totally overwhelmed with His love. My heart is in an interesting place right now. Not a bad place. There's just a lot going on. It's been an interesting 4.5 weeks.
- Prep for Costa...Everything I had to do before leaving for Costa Rica
- 2 weeks in Costa Rica (felt like a month)
- Moving into my new apartment
- Jumping into 2 weeks of RA Training
- Area Prep
- Freshman Move In
- Upperclassman Move In
- Preparing for Classes to start
All of these things come with sure and clear realizations. The biggest of them all is change. It's a lot to process.
I'm glad today is rainy.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Dancing & Shouting & Laughing
Come as close as You want,
Consume this heart that longs to burn
I know Your fire can hurt,
But I would be worse here without You
For I was made to dwell with You,
And how I ache until I doHoly God,
Take my heart,Purge with flame and truth!
A holy heart is all I want,
That I may live with You!
Come and take all these chains
That get in the way of what You want
And as I stand in the flame
Still I will say, “I trust You God!”
Sunday night was beautiful. Big House was filled with the Spirit... you couldn't walk in the room and not feel God's presence. The joy of the Lord was upon everyone in the room. His children were laughing, dancing and shouting. His delight made me laugh and smile. I'm learning that it is such a beautiful thing to express myself in worship by dancing, shouting and laughing. For an hour and a half that evening we just worshiped... it was beautiful.
I went to lunch with a friend yesterday and she told me something simple that brought me to tears. She said that a friend once told her about a guy who came to america from a foreign country and visited a somewhat more conservative church where everyone stood still... he said he didn't understand how americans can stand still and not dance or shout or laugh because we have so much here in america we should be dancing and shouting and laughing in worship and praise to our God. That really stuck me at the heart.
Oh Lord that I would rejoice in even the little things I am blessed with. That I would dance because I took another breath. That I would shout in thankfulness for my heath and wellbeing. That I would laugh out of joy for having the promise of eternity.
Less that 2 weeks and I will be in Costa Rica. Come on God. Bring it on. I'm so excited!
Friday, June 29, 2012
אמון
The above title is hebrew for Trust. This is something I have had on my heart and mind lately. There are some things that my heart is set on as of current that I need to let go and trust that they are in good hands. It's hard when the heart is deeply involved. We want what we think is best or we struggle to determine what is best because the heart wants one thing and the mind contradicts. Reality is... I don't know what is best. I will admit to knowing the foundation but not knowing the mix that comes next. I don't even know if anything I am writing right now makes sense... so as you try to process what you are reading, know that I am processing as I type. haha.
A lot is changing around me. A lot is changing at Regent. I'm thinking back now on the past two semesters and all the things that happened this year... kinda crazy to think about now. So if there's major changes happening now... imagine what is to come this year.
I definitely have been hungering for time with the Lord recently. I've been longing for a quiet place to meet with Him. To meet him in my every day schedule. Today I pushed myself to be extra cheerful and you know what? It made me happy. It made this day so much more meaningful. Not saying that every other day I have moped around and been unhappy spreading the funk... it's just that I wanted to try and experience even more of His joy and spread it to those who I encountered today. Fun stuff.
In other news:
I am on an outdoors kick! Hiking, camping, kayaking, road-trips. Give it to me! ALL OF IT! I haven't kayaked yet or camped but I am so game for all of it. I hiked with Courtney yesterday 2 hours in First Landing State Park. I don't have hiking gear... I want to fix this. I called my grandfather last night to let him know that I need hiking boots... waterproof. He was happy to help. Love that my family owns a shoe and sporting goods business. Tomorrow I am going to the Great Dismal Swamp with Lum & Ashley Fielden! Whoo! Hiking! So excited!
That's about it for now. Toodles!
Saturday, May 19, 2012
The Life You've Always Wanted : Chapter 1
I am reading this book by John Ortberg called "The Life You've Always Wanted." I am 2.5 chapters into it and already I am loving it.
I've been quoting this one quote all week:
A little glimpse of past history for everyone: (because honestly I don't think I have told many people)
When I was a freshman in college (I am now a senior) I struggled through my first relationship. It started on the wrong foot and ended on a bad note. Throughout the months of this relationship I lived with a broken heart, and a withered spirit. I had never dealt with anything of this calibre in my life. All of this to say that overall I began to question who I was, who I had been, and who I was becoming. I felt that I had lost 'me.' The summer after that year I spent a lot of time alone and not by choice, it just happened. I hated being alone and I struggled with it for a long time until I learned that it was ok to be alone. I found peace in the first part of that summer being with God. I slept a lot and took care of myself. I slept in, ate healthy, exercised, went to class, took naps and had my quiet time. This was the medicine and start of healing I had needed for a long time. I then spent the other half of my summer in little old nowhere Nevada, Missouri. Where I continued to accept healing and heard from God who I was, and little glimpses of who I was becoming. He pulled me from the depths of depression, guilt, self afflicting anger and shame, and prepared me for the steps ahead.
I thought I had lost myself yet the Lord knew what He was doing. He had never lost track of me, He was never unsure of where I was going or who I was becoming. A friend during my freshman year gave me a mug that said "Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over it transformed into a beautiful butterfly." I think back on this and I kind of chuckle to myself. I thought the world was over when the transformation had just started to take place. Silly me. Though in the midst of it all I couldn't see it. I now can look back and I thank God for every struggle and every painful growth. He has brought me out of fear, and anxiety which began to consume me when I returned to school for the fall of my sophomore year. I am so glad to be free of that.
So I feel that this quote "Now, with God's help, I shall become myself" holds great significance in my life. I am excited to become myself. I have already had amazing opportunities to encourage other girls who are struggling with bits and pieces of things I struggled with in the past. I am so thankful for the compassion that God has given me. Oh it hurt. It hurt so badly to be in that place but the understanding and compassion I have that has come from it is such a reward.
Here's the funny part... I asked for it. (I realized almost a year and a half later... it dawned on me that the summer before I left for college I asked for it and basically said "bring it on.) I asked God to deepen, even more, my compassion and understanding... He knew! HE KNEW I could handle it... and when I say "handle" that doesn't mean it was handled it easily. It was hard to handle but I came through and He knew that I would. Way too funny God. So funny. Love it.
I need to come up with something fun to say when I'm done blogging...
That's about it for now,
Brielle
Chapter 1 - "We Shall Morph Indeed" ~ The Hope of Transformation
I've been quoting this one quote all week:
"Now, with God's help, I shall become myself." - Soren Kierkegaard (what a name! ha)
A little glimpse of past history for everyone: (because honestly I don't think I have told many people)
When I was a freshman in college (I am now a senior) I struggled through my first relationship. It started on the wrong foot and ended on a bad note. Throughout the months of this relationship I lived with a broken heart, and a withered spirit. I had never dealt with anything of this calibre in my life. All of this to say that overall I began to question who I was, who I had been, and who I was becoming. I felt that I had lost 'me.' The summer after that year I spent a lot of time alone and not by choice, it just happened. I hated being alone and I struggled with it for a long time until I learned that it was ok to be alone. I found peace in the first part of that summer being with God. I slept a lot and took care of myself. I slept in, ate healthy, exercised, went to class, took naps and had my quiet time. This was the medicine and start of healing I had needed for a long time. I then spent the other half of my summer in little old nowhere Nevada, Missouri. Where I continued to accept healing and heard from God who I was, and little glimpses of who I was becoming. He pulled me from the depths of depression, guilt, self afflicting anger and shame, and prepared me for the steps ahead.
I thought I had lost myself yet the Lord knew what He was doing. He had never lost track of me, He was never unsure of where I was going or who I was becoming. A friend during my freshman year gave me a mug that said "Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over it transformed into a beautiful butterfly." I think back on this and I kind of chuckle to myself. I thought the world was over when the transformation had just started to take place. Silly me. Though in the midst of it all I couldn't see it. I now can look back and I thank God for every struggle and every painful growth. He has brought me out of fear, and anxiety which began to consume me when I returned to school for the fall of my sophomore year. I am so glad to be free of that.
"We are pregnant with possibilities of spiritual growth and moral beauty so great that they cannot be adequately described as anything less that the formation of Christ in our very lives."
"Spiritual growth is a molding process. The possibility of transformation is the essence of hope."
So I feel that this quote "Now, with God's help, I shall become myself" holds great significance in my life. I am excited to become myself. I have already had amazing opportunities to encourage other girls who are struggling with bits and pieces of things I struggled with in the past. I am so thankful for the compassion that God has given me. Oh it hurt. It hurt so badly to be in that place but the understanding and compassion I have that has come from it is such a reward.
Here's the funny part... I asked for it. (I realized almost a year and a half later... it dawned on me that the summer before I left for college I asked for it and basically said "bring it on.) I asked God to deepen, even more, my compassion and understanding... He knew! HE KNEW I could handle it... and when I say "handle" that doesn't mean it was handled it easily. It was hard to handle but I came through and He knew that I would. Way too funny God. So funny. Love it.
I need to come up with something fun to say when I'm done blogging...
That's about it for now,
Brielle
Only Grace
There is no guilt here
There is no shame
No pointing fingers
There is no blame
What happened yesterday…has disappeared
The dirt has washed away
And now it's clear
There's only grace
There's only love
There's only mercy and believe me it's enough
Your sins are gone
Without a trace
And there's nothing left now
There's only grace
You're starting over now
Under the sun
You're stepping forward now
A new life has begun
Your new life has begun
An’ there's only grace
There's only love
There's only mercy and believe me…it's enough
Your sins are gone
Without a trace
And there's nothing left now
There's only grace…
And if you should fall again
Get back up, get back up
Reach out and take my hand
Get back up, get back up
Get back up again
Ohh…get…back…up…again…
There's only grace…
There's only love…
There's only mercy and believe me it's enough…it’s enough
Your sins are gone
Without a trace
And there's nothing left now
There's only…there’s only…grace…
There's only mercy and believe me it's enough…it’s enough
Your sins are gone
Without a trace
And there's nothing left now
There’s only…grace……
So get back up…get back up again…
Get back up again.
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